


You can't stay

by trashy_kai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comfort, Destiel - Freeform, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-08
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-31 21:54:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashy_kai/pseuds/trashy_kai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Story told in first hand by Castiel. Since he, Dean and Sam got together again - after April tried to kill him- untill Dean tells him he can't stay. [one-shot with spoilers for 9x03]</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can't stay

After everything that happened I had no other place to go. I went with Sam and Dean to the bunker and they helped me get settled.

Kevin was nice, and hugged me as soon as he saw me.

Dean showed me around and helped me choose a room, it was the one across the hall from his. I didn't want to stay alone, and so he stayed with me for a while. I felt awful and I couldn't help but feel that way. When I thought I had found good in people again, they stabbed me in the stomach.

I talked with Dean for a while and I asked him for advice. Should I give up on living? Should I let my brothers and sisters kill me? I was afraid... So very afraid. But at the same time, I felt safe. For the first time since I became human, I felt safe.

I felt safe when Dean held me while I cried. I felt safe when I didn't let go. I felt safe when I fell asleep in his arms.

I know he must have hated me. I know how he hates those chick-flick moments. But he still stayed with me. He stayed with me when no-one else would.

Just like so many times before, I had trusted in him completly and forgot about the rest of the world.

When I woke up, I thought I was alone. But then I felt warmth near me and my arm went to reach it. I felt someone was laying next to me. When I opened my eyes and looked to my side, I saw Dean sleeping next to me. He looked so peaceful. I hadn't seen him like that for so long. That was when I saw he was still holding me, keeping his presence known to me. Our hands were intertwined and nothing could ever feel better than just feeling him next to me.

I remembered what I had done with April and I wondered why being next to me made me feel better than my time with April.

It was strange. I had never felt anything like this before. I never wanted to let go of Dean's hand. So I layed down again and rested my head in his cheast. I felt his heartbeat, it was steady, but moving fast. I wondered what he was dreaming about.

And Dean's heartbeat lullabied my way back to sleep.

I felt something moving. I concentrated in that movement. Something -someone- was petting my hair. I stayed with my eyes closed for a bit and realized my head was still in Dean's cheast.

I opened my eyes but didn't move from where I was. It felt too good to be stoped.

I guessed Dean realized I was awake because he said my name.

"Cas..."

I moved my head and found Dean still asleep but petting my hair while sleeping. I wondered if he was dreaming of me... He had indeed called my name... So I most likely was in his dream.

"...Don't you ever do that again." he reprimended as he hugged me thight.

I let myself get lost in the sensation of his arms, and hugged him back. I got my face closer to his ear and whispered.

"Alright."

Not knowing what I was doing exactly, I kissed his cheek.

Dean started waking up and I saw his eyes fluttering open.

"Morning, Cas."

I smiled, still not moving from where I was.

"Good morning, Dean."

He must have realized he was holding me because he let go of our embrace. I felt awkward, because I hadn't fought it, on the contrary, I had supported it, by using Dean as my pillow.

"Sorry about sleeping on you." I appologized quickly.

"You don't need to appologize, Cas. You needed someone to be here for you. I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I needed the same thing..." Dean smiled softly.

I nodded.

"You're right... If you ever need a pillow, you know where to find me."

Dean chuckled softly.

A few hours later, I spoke to both Sam and Dean. Neither of us mentioned what had happened, and Sam didn't seem to notice.

I hadn't told Dean everything the night before. I didn't tell him about April, so I looked directly at him when I spoke of her.

I saw the shock in his eyes and something in me lit up. I saw that he wasn't as happy as he tried to make us believe.

I smiled slightly and told both Sam and Dean that I was looking forward to learning more about life from them. They were the only people that I trusted. The only people that I knew for a fact that would never leave me.

I asked for food and left them alone.

A few minutes later, Dean got near me and I smiled upon seeing him.

He asked me if we could talk, and as always I thought that he wanted to speak about I had gone through. Although he said something I wasn't expecting.

"You can't stay."

We shared a look and I found myself about to cry.

When understood what his words meant, I nodded.

"If you need me to leave, I will leave." I was immensely hurt. The person I trusted the most asked me to leave. "But before I go... I need you to tell me why."

Dean looked as brokenhearted as I was.

"I-I can't risk Sam not being ok... Ezekiel is inside Sam and he says you will bring the other angels here. He says he will leave if you don't. I-I can't risk Sam not being ok..."

I understood. But it still hurt that I was the one who needed to leave.

"Alright. If that's what you want. I will leave." I found that my vision was blurry, tears almost falling from my eyes.

"Cas... I don't want you to leave. I can't leave you alone. You need us.. You need me... You need me like I've been telling you I need you." Dean stopped for a moment. He took a deep breath and continued. "And that's why I'm not leaving you. You can't stay. Then I'll go with you. I will go with you and I will come by to see if Sam is ok. I can't leave you. Not now, not ever. When I needed you the most you always found your way back to me. Now it's my turn to help you, to stay with you and make you understand what it is to be human."

The tears were no longer in my eyes, they were rolling down my cheeks. Dean cupped my face and whipped the tears away. He grabbed me by my waist and held me thight -again- while I cried -again- in his arms.

"Thank you." I managed to say between sobs.


End file.
